7 Years

Do you ever look at a person's over-arching character and wonder how they became to be what they are? I sure do. I look at people with morals and values that resonate with inspiration and empathy  - who speak eloquently and truthfully - and wonder how they were raised. I want to know their story instantly. Partly because I am interested in human behavior, but mostly for a selfish reason: I am secretly looking for ways that I can improve as a parent.

I want to ask them a barrage of questions. What did your mom and dad say to you when you didn't listen? How did they show you love? What did they do when you were scared at night and came into their room? How did they lay the foundation of the world to you? Did they talk openly about the problems of the world? Did they have a positive tone when it came to people that were different than you - different race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, gender? Did they spend most of their free time with you? Did you play baseball or soccer together? How did they address your bad grades? Your good grades? Did they come to every concert/sporting event? Did they let you disagree with them without recourse? How did they encourage you? Did they motivate you? Did they listen to you when you had a problem? Did they notice when something seemed off with you and offer a sit-down talk-it-out moment? If they couldn't help you, did they try to get someone who could? Did you watch them bring peace or love to other people? Did you see them volunteer or give to those in need?

 How do I raise such fine, empathetic, worldly, spiritual, love-giving humans? Every day I seek to live Maya Angelou's quote: "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." I strive daily to know better so I can do better as a parent. As parents, I find there are many distractions in this world that can take us away from parenting. We may think to ourselves, "Oh, I'll get to that later." or "We will talk about it after these 800 sports practices and such." What I am finding, though, is that later may be too late.

After reading about brain development, I have found that most of the brain's foundation is built by the time a person is 7 years of age. In an article on Harvard University's Center on the Developing Child's website, it states, "Emotional well-being and social competence provide a strong foundation for emerging cognitive abilities, and together they are the bricks and mortar of brain architecture. The emotional and physical health, social skills, and cognitive-linguistic capacities that emerge in the early years are all important for success in school, the workplace, and in the larger community."

This whole article is truly fascinating and can be found here: http://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/brain-architecture/. 

My take-away from this is relief. Relief that I don't have to justify why I don't want to get a babysitter every weekend to have a night out on the town. Why I usually have a tugging feeling in me to always choose spending time with my kids over spending time going out with friends. I think biology is pulling at me because my children's brains need me there, positively reinforcing them to do good and be good and learn to share and accept every one. 

7 years is such a small fraction in time. I'll do everything and anything to give you what you are owed by me in those 7 years.