Antidepressants and Today's Working Women

Pigeon-holed

Being a working mom, it's easy to get pigeon-holed into the same routines. We don't have a lot of time for small talk with people other than our children (sometimes not even our spouses). We have the responsibilities of our job and our children's lives to keep up with. Those of us who are in managerial positions are having to ensure our office is covered, that we are taking care of our staff and they are taking care of our customers/students, and all duties are being attended to. In education, we need to be creative as we fight falling numbers and decreased state funding. We are having to be proactive about issues that may arise - because we've learned that taking the time to be proactive beats having to take time and resources to fix problems or mistakes. We have to remember when soccer practice is and if it's our kid's turn to bring in a treat for morning snack at school. We have to be aware of how much screen time our children are getting and if we can find someone to watch our animals while we are out of town. We have to weigh the financial and emotional aspects of buying our daughter the "cool" boots or letting her feel left out because she's the only one without them. Many days, we have to do all of this on less than five hours of sleep, because one night our child wakes up pee-soaked and the next night a different child wakes up with a tummy ache. We know it is part of the gig of being a parent, so we don't hold grudges or blame our children. We just have to breathe, take it as it is, and move on. We have to remember to empathize with our children and pull ourselves away from netflix and social media so our children see that we are choosing them over distraction. We need to have the confidence to say "no" to a friend date when our children need us. Yes, we might be missing out on fun times and we may be missing from social media pictures/posts, but we have to be OK in knowing that the big picture will be happy that we chose our young children. We have to weigh the pros and cons to turning off our work email as we enter the part of the day that includes our children.While it's good for them to see us working, we have to keep in mind that if there was a really an urgent matter that we needed to attend to, someone would be calling or texting us. We have to decide what to cook for dinner and if our kids are getting enough protein, greens, and fiber to grow healthy. Sometimes, this means whipping up grilled cheese, a squeezie vegetable/fruit, and some microwaved rice. And when we feel like we're doing too much of this just-getting-by-with-dinner routine, we might bear the weight of holding a clingy (rightfully so) toddler while making chicken Parmesan and sauteed green beans. Then there's the sicknesses, the money for daycare, and the scouring around for babysitters when there's no family close by. Oh, and the cleaning. How could I forget about the never-ending piles of laundry and dust bunnies and dishes and toys. Friendships are sometimes hard to maintain because damn, we do have a lot on our plate. But damn, is it ever rewarding.

When I do have that small window of opportunity to chat with a friend - which ends up being at a kid's soccer practice or a short coffee break at work - I am finding that more than not, my fellow working mothers are on some sort of an antidepressant. It's not something that initially comes up. When I get a compliment for being productive I find that I cannot rightfully accept a compliment that I know would not be anywhere close to the truth if I didn't have a daily ssri in my system. I usually whisk it in there by saying something like, "Thanks to my happy pill." or "Praise be to my lovely pill." And usually what happens next is that I see light in the eye of my fellow working mom as she exclaims, "Oh my gosh! Me too!" And then it's like a weight is lifted off both of our shoulders as we continue to chat knowing that hey, maybe we aren't weak and hey, maybe there are people like me out there and hey, maybe this is the new normal. We feel a pang in our soul that tells us that we aren't taking the easy way out - we're taking the only way up.

No Shame

I want to speak specifically to those mothers taking antidepressants now: You are remarkable. So many women do not seek help and would consider themselves weak for turning to a medication to help them function. I want to say it's God's gift to us. The universe is calling for a surge of women to start rising in influence and power. Mother Nature knows that our brains haven't yet caught up evolutionary-wise to handle both primary caregiver and primary leadership roles without some help. We don't half-ass things. We want the best for all people - the people who work for us, the children who love us, and the community that relies on our services as working mothers. Because we want the best for everyone, our brains are consistently trying to solve what "x" equals. We just may need a little help in the serotonin department to continue our work.

There was a time, post-grad school, where I was on a pretty high level of antidepressants (paxil). I didn't realize it at the time, but it really did change me. Looking back, it almost seemed like it suppressed my pre-frontal cortex reasoning and critical thinking skills. I was mean to people, made bad decisions, and was egocentric. It wasn't until I weened off of this (in preparation of conceiving our first child) that I realized how wrong it was for me. After I gave birth to my first child, I have been on what my doctor describes as a "grandmother's dose" of antidepressant. That is another obstacle for antidepressants - sometimes it takes multiple tries to find the one that works for you while still letting you feel like you are yourself. But when you find the right one, it's magic.

Be Open. Reduce the Stigma.

I talk to my kids about my happy pill. I tell them that my brain doesn't work properly without it. I let them know that my happy pill to my brain is like a cast to a broken arm: It's something my brain needs to heal. I'm not a different person while I'm on my antidepressant now - I'm me. Off of my antidepressant, as I've found during each of my pregnancies, I am a different person. I am lost in a sea of anxious, worried, and obsessive thoughts. I look pretty cool from the outside, but inside I'm hanging on by a thread. Being a working mother has only intensified my genetic predisposition to generalized anxiety disorder with panic attacks. 

My kids know about anxiety and depression. They've been exposed to counseling and therapy techniques since they were born. I make it as un-stigmatized as I can. They can recognize anxiety and depression in themselves and seek me out when they're feeling it. Right now, they rely on me to help guide them to coping mechanisms, but my ultimate goal is to help them build up their tool kit for when mama can't be there to help.

Why do working mothers rely on antidepressants more than ever to survive? I guess the same could be said about many drugs and ailments. We rely on antibiotics to survive pneumonia, we rely on stints to save our hearts, we rely on humira to control our ulcerative colitis, we rely on blood thinners to save us from clots. Are we medicating simply to control a symptom of a bigger problem? Have we be strung along by society and the need to only feel success if we are both a successful career-woman and a top-notch parent?

The Problem or the Solution

Other than my 3 pregnancies, I have been on an antidepressant for almost 20 years now. There have been many times where I have attempted to get off of them, but the activities in paragraph one have challenged my brain in a way that there is no way in hell it could continue to function without that missing puzzle piece. I would not be even close to being as good as a mom as I am without them. I've tried exercise, cognitive-behavioral therapy, herbal supplements, and prayer as an alternative to medication. However, I could never quite get the same effect. I need all of those things on top of my antidepressant. Those things currently are the reason why I haven't had to up my dose.

I'm not a researcher, nor am I a psychologist. I studied psychology in my undergraduate degree and counseling in my graduate degree. There were many courses I took that taught me how to be a researcher and a psychologist, but that is not what I ultimately chose as my career.

However, after first, a predisposition to the curiosity of studying human behavior, and second, years of coursework that focused on research and human behavior, it is hard to forget that natural curiosity that lies within me.

Is it just in my world that I am seeing that just about every working mother I talk to is on an antidepressant? I wanted to research this, so I turned to Google. I typed "women and ssri" in the search engine and came upon article after article on sexual dysfunction in women who take ssris. Nope, not what I was looking for, but glad this matter is being covered. Next, I try "working mothers and ssri". I get a series of opinion articles about my research question, speckled with articles on how women who are taking antidepressants during pregnancy are putting their unborn babies at risk of congenital birth defects and language delays (thanks for the mom-shaming). There was one article in particular that I thought was helpful, but had no research to back up its claims. https://www.prevention.com/mind-body/emotional-health/american-women-run-prozac. This article focuses on working mothers who have been on antidepressants for years. I couldn't help but tear up when reading their stories. The following excerpt from the article may resonate with many other working mothers:

But it isn't just how much time women spend on obligations, says Schulte. It's the imperative to switch back and forth between primary duties at work and at home (where women tend to feel in charge, even when others help out). "You've got this incredible strain of trying to live two lives at once," she says. "Men don't have that." Double duty can lead to guilt and frustration about underperforming in both roles. "I'm one of those women who felt aligned with the feminist 'We can do everything' theory until I had my first child," says Lindsey Jennings, 54, a resident of Richmond, CA, who was on Prozac for 10 years following the birth of her second child. "I wish someone had said, 'Be prepared; you're going to be 70% at work and 70% as a parent. You can't do both.'

After getting nowhere with my Google search, I tried a more educational route - the library. I perused journal article after journal article, getting zero hits on my research question - Why are so many working mothers on antidepressants? So, I'm left with my own conclusions that all draw back to paragraph three of this post.

My Conclusion (not based on research, so take with a grain of salt (and maybe a glass of wine, too))

Here is my conclusion: In order for us women to get the same foot in the door as men, we have to take an antidepressant to have any kind of chance of breaking through that glass ceiling. OK, not all of us. But, in my finding, a majority of us. Those of us who refuse to believe that we cannot be the best mom our kids need, and at the same time, seeing our careers grow and flourish.

I'll leave this post with one request - if you are on the edge of seeking treatment for anxiety or depression, let this be the mechanism that pushes you over the edge. Be selfish - help yourself. I promise you, there are a whole lot of us out there that have sought help and are getting daily treatment. I'd rather live happy years medicated than stressful years unmedicated. If they find that antidepressants limit life expectancy, I won't be disappointed. Antidepressants saved my life and continue to save it on a daily basis. I'll never let anyone make me feel guilty for putting a cast on my brokenness, and you shouldn't either. 

Break that glass ceiling.

Raise those empathetic, loving, smart, kind, worldly children.

Go on with your #momboss self. You're doing just fine.

Finally, to my badass working mom friends out there, hopefully I've provided a meaningful research/dissertation topic for you. I will be anxiously awaiting your findings.