When Your Child Goes Viral
I'm what some may call "particular." Some may even call me, eh hum, "controlling." I'm a thinker - and an over-thinker. I like reading expert pieces and testing out the applicability to life. My father, during his speech at my wedding, told a story of me that pretty much sums up my life. He explained how when I was younger, I meticulously planned out my suitcase before we left for any trip. I started with a pen and a paper and listed how many pairs of underwear I would need, how many shirts, how many swimsuits, and on and on. Next, several days before departure, I would get my suitcase and my list, and begin packing. I would check off each item as I placed it gingerly in its rightful place. Before long, I'd be packed with days to spare. I may have been laying on my bed reading while the other five in the family ran around the house in a blur trying to throw everything together at the last minute.
But there was me. Prepared. Prepped. Confidently in control of my life.
Well, it turns out this trait not only extended to me, but to the way I parent my children as well. When I was pregnant with all three of my children, I did everything I was supposed to - and then some. Maybe I thought I'd throw in some extra deprivation for bonus karma points? Who knows. I abstained from medicine (of any kind), deli meat, alcohol, cat litter duty. I indulged in prenatal vitamins and DHA Omega 3 supplements. With my first pregnancy, I fell and sprained my ankle. It hurt like a mother, so my OB called me in a pain killer. But, confidently-in-control me thought it had a .0000001% chance of affecting my baby, so I refused to take it and suffered in pain instead. I wanted to know that I did everything in my power to make sure my baby was healthy, happy, and well-adjusted.
Then, the babies were born. The sweet, sweet miracles. I breastfed each of them - 15 months for one, 12 months for another, and 18 months for the last. I couldn't deny the benefits of breastfeeding and in-control me wouldn't let any obstacle get in my way. Again, I was prepared and calculated with breastfeeding because, for me at the moment, it was the best thing I could do for them to ensure their healthiness, happiness, and well-adjusted-ness. And, I just really loved it.
Next, the babies grew and became toddlers and elementary school-aged children. Again, my preparedness comes into play. I spend some portion of every day educating them about being a true leader - one that seeks out diversity instead of closes the door to it. A leader chooses to do the right thing instead of going with the crew. We have serious discussions about implicit bias, being an ally, and being "woke" in today's society (click here to read my woke post). There is nothing that is off-limits in terms of questions and lessons about empathy. I'm brutally honest with them when it comes to race, gender, religion, ability, and sexual orientation in today's society. I am still growing, and haven't even come close to being the best ally I could be. I try, fail, and try again every day. And I know it will help them to become better people as a result.
As a mom, this planning and preparing and constant song in my mind to always have my child's best interest in mind in order to preserve a wonderful, reduced-pain childhood never left. It's been persistent and one of the aspects about myself that I'm most proud. I would never intentionally do anything to put my children in harm's way. I also fervently act to prevent even unintentional harm - physical and emotional. I do know that pain makes you stronger, so I'm not super helicopter-y. I'd call myself more of a mama bear - doing what it takes to teach and protect my cubs.
But, as life would have, there are things for which you can prepare, but some things you just can't control. Nothing ever prepped me for the parenting moment I was about to experience - my kid going viral.
It was a sunny Sunday in Cincinnati. We awoke - most likely by 7 am because our children have a major case of FOMO. One of our favorite family activities is going to Reds games in the summer (despite the dripping hot and kids whining for junk food and the toddler going crazy. OK, so it's not super fun but we're in it together). Jason had signed the two older kids up for the Cincinnati Reds Head Kid's Club - which is one of their favorite presents to get because it comes with all this Reds swag (that inevitably ends up all over the house). It just so happens that if you sign your kiddos up for this, they get a chance to be picked for a player-autograph event. And guess what? Yep, our kiddos got picked.
I think Jason was probably the most excited out of all of us that day (probably just as excited as I would be if my kids got picked to meet Michelle and Barack Obama). The kids were actually pretty nervous - they do not like attention being drawn to them in any form and they are a bit slow-to-warm up to new people. So, the fact that they had to go onto the Cincinnati Reds baseball field in front of thousands of fans and wait for their player to run out to their position to get their autograph was not top on their "this is going to be a great day!" lists. However, both of them are avid baseball fans (well, all sports, to be honest) and knew just about everything there was to know about the Reds. They knew that getting this autograph was ten times better than getting their favorite player's card in a pack. So, they took the risk.
I did my parent thing that morning. I got them ready. I gave them pep talks. I helped them to breathe deep. Jason, Lucy, and I walked with them throughout the whole experience - right up until we got to the baseline of the field. Then, we were told we would have stay on the sidelines and let the kids run out to the players' positions on their own. As the officials ushered Lidia and Leo out to the field, Jason and I watched with hopeful anticipation. "Only a couple more minutes," I thought, "and this will be all over and they will have this amazing experience to look back upon."
Lidia stood in right field waiting for Adam Duvell. She glanced at us occasionally, with her hands down at her side and her mind probably telling her "Common and get this over with - I don't want to be on the jumbo screen!" Then, she looked up and she was. Yikes - we told her that wouldn't happen. Parent fail #1.
Then, there was Leo. He was shyly at the catcher's mound, waiting for Tucker Barnhardt. He was standing there, staring at the umpire huddle in front of him - hands down to his side, head lowered a bit, just waiting on direction of what to do next.
At this point, Jason and I witnessed one of the umpires moving towards Leo. We watched in curiosity as to what was going to happen. We noticed the umpire talking with Leo - and Leo being his typical self - not saying anything, but nodding. Then, the umpire put his hand on Leo's back and ushered him towards a player from the Marlins - Dee Gordon. Dee was warming up close to home plate, as he was the first at-bat of the game. Jason and I smiled as we watched this from afar. In our heads, we thought the umpire was doing a gracious thing for Leo in letting him get another autograph of a major league baseball player. We thought it was cute and Jason, of course, was pumped for Leo. Leo got Dee's autograph, and then started walking away. But, it appeared as if the umpire had other plans. Next, we saw the umpire redirect Leo back to Dee. He bent down and whispered something in Leo's ear. Then, we saw Dee talking to Leo. After this exchange, we saw a hesitant Leo lift up his leg and kick Dee in his shin. As Jason and I were now watching with concern and confusion, we saw Dee and the umpire laughing as Dee pretended to limp off the field. We immediately thought it was a little banter and playing between the umpire and Dee and Leo was just being used as a prop.
Then, Tucker Barnhardt got out on the field, signed Leo's ball, and Leo ran back to us - relieved, of course. Once Lidia ran back to us with her Adam Duvell autograph, we gathered the kiddos and went to watch the game. As we walked back to our seats, Jason asked Leo why he kicked Dee and Leo said that the umpire told him to. Of course, we prodded him for more information - but, he was 5 at the time. He didn't have much more to say about it. So, we went on to watching the game without much more thought to the ordeal. It was, in our opinion, a successful experience for our kiddos.
It was what happened next that we could not have predicted, nor prepared for. As we hopped in our car to head home, Jason had a call on his phone. It was a Reds' employee wanting to know if she could give his phone number to an MLB writer who wanted to speak to us about our son's viral video. We looked at each other, surprised and shocked. "What viral video?" He asked. She had said that SportsCenter had gotten a clip of Leo kicking Dee and that people were loving it. We started laughing and agreed to do the interview with the MLB writer - who happened to be Michael Clair. Michael called and I spoke with him. He was positive and excited as he asked questions about the what led up to the video. His write-up of the story was factual and didn't include any spin or alternative narrative.
At this point, we had just gotten home and had decided to open up social media and see how our son had gone viral. We checked SportsCenter Facebook page first and saw the post that was captioned, "Dee Gordon got no love from this Cincinnati Reds fan." In what I thought would be cutesie sports comments turned out to be ugly, heart-stabbing, fear-inducing vitriol. Hate was being spewed all over about Leo and us as his parents. After each hate-filled comment, I felt myself being subjected to the deeper evils of this world. I felt my fight-or-flight neurotransmitters activating and I began panicking. I was shaking. I couldn't focus on anything but stopping this madness. If it was in paper form, I would have jumped in my car and rounded up all the newspapers in the area and thrown them away. But it wasn't. It was on the internet and exploding everywhere.
Next, I checked out the Reds FB page. Again, same post and same ugly, hateful vitriol vomiting from the comment section. Do these people have no heart? Do they not understand that he is FIVE and was scared and nervous?! They don't know my boy - the one who is always loving and helpful towards other people and kids. The one who sticks up for friends when he hears someone saying something bad about them? The one who has been taught to live not only the golden rule, but the platinum rule? The one whose mother promotes and pushes diversity and empathy into her parenting style? I finally decided that I would call Michael Clair, the MLB writer who had reached out to us for the initial story. I told him our dilemma. I read to him some of the hateful, threatening words that were being directed towards Leo and us. He said that he would try his best to contact someone to see if some sort of recognizance PR mission could be deployed. However, I never heard back from him.
And the t-shirts. YES T-SHIRTS. Within hours of this going viral, a Cincinnati t-shirt company already had out a design of the incident, which included a false narrative in the advertisement - only adding to the misinformation already being spread. Had it been all cutesie and fun, we would have totally been enamored with this idea. However, it only increased the craziness of the day.
Side Note: Once Cincy Shirts got wind of what was going on, they took down the shirt. They also sent us a whole box of these shirts that we were able to wear once the madness died down. Dee reached out to them and got his own custom one, too. So, they were totally redeemed. :)
I remember that afternoon and evening after the game. I remember how close-to-the-vest Jason and I were trying to keep the madness so our children didn't feel the effects of the hateful rhetoric. I remember nursing our youngest to sleep as tears fell down my cheeks. I thought of future Leo - How would he feel reading these horrible words about himself when he was old enough to browse the Internet? I remember texting friends who were reaching out and telling them that I wish that this whole experience would have never happened. I remember questioning my parenting and blaming myself. I barely slept that night as I tossed and turned and worried about crazed lunatics coming to our house and doing God-knows-what. I tried to reason with myself: My family is alive and healthy. I should start there and then put things back into perspective. I finally drifted off to sleep, still not sure of how this could be fixed. But, then, as I tell my children - tomorrow is always new day to try again.
I woke up the next day, a Monday, and made sure my work was OK with me taking the day off. I stayed home with my kiddos (it was summertime) and I was on a mission to right this wrong. I decided that I needed to get a hold of Dee Gordon. I had no idea who the umpire was, but I did know the player: I did know that if social media got us into this mess, then maybe I could use it to get us out of it. I spent the greater part of the morning and Lucy's naptime writing a FB post to Dee. I pleaded with him to reach out and let people know the true story of what happened - that my son didn't intentionally come up and kick him. As an aside: Leo loves ALL baseball, football, and basketball teams. He may have his favorite teams, but I have never heard him say he hates a player. He loves collecting sports cards and asking Jason everything and anything about the players that he gets in his card packs. He looks at Jason in awe as Jason spouts out the stats and history of every single one of these players. Leo tries to absorb everything he can about what Jason tells him. Never once has Jason told him to hate a player. Leo has the utmost respect for all players (except he has occasionally said that a certain Warriors player is bad because he kicks people in the penis. Hey - he's not wrong.).
As I was writing the post to Dee, I received a messenger ding from someone who I wasn't friends with. I began to read it and it happened to be someone from the TV show Inside Edition letting me know that they were running a story on the video and wanting us to come on the show to talk about it. I immediately thanked her for reaching out, but declined to come on because I was so disheartened by the social media world: I didn't want to give them any more fodder by which to threaten or judge us. I went back to writing the post, hit the "share" button, and waited for my next move.
In the meantime, I kept getting calls and texts from all kinds of people saying that they saw the video on their local news, on ESPN's SportsCenter, and all over social media. These people who were reaching out were people who knew us. They knew us to be loving, empathetic, and caring parents. They knew Leo to be that sweet, cute, athletic, and shy boy with a smile and eyes that could melt someone's heart in a second. These people seemed dumbfounded and shocked to hear about all the negative comments and threats being sent our way.
An hour and a half after my post to Dee, I was perusing social media and noticed that Dee had made a post about him and Leo. "OMG," I thought. "He got my post!" I rose from cuddling with Leo on the couch and called Jason. I shared it on my social media. And then other people shared. And more people shared. A major league baseball player - someone we had zero contact with in our lives, nor had any obligation to help fix this for us - fixed this for us. I had this sensational relief come over me and tears welling up in my eyes as I read his caption. The worry of the past 24 hours began it's slow decent back to the shadows in which it came. I felt as though my mama bear instincts had failed me the day before. Now, I felt them being resurrected and honored.
I then got a message from someone Dee worked with, telling me she was writing on behalf of Dee. She sent me this interview that he did shortly after he made his social media posts about what really happened with Leo:
The next couple weeks were full of ups and downs. I went back to work the next day, but still had this creeping need to protect my family. I instructed the babysitter to keep the kids in the house for the week with the doors locked. Even though I declined an interview with Inside Edition, they ran the story and used my FB post to Dee as our official statement. In all honesty, they didn't do a terrible job with the facts of the story - however, they did come across super-cheesy and dramatic (yikes face).
I came across a yahoo.com article that was despicable - filled with a rotten narrative to use Leo's video as a way to induce hate and division. Was that article the article that enticed a random person to reach out to me over FB messenger to send a hateful message? The article was so despicable that I reached out to a friend who is a lawyer. She gave me several names of Cincinnati lawyers who may take my case on, but she cautioned me that the first amendment is one of our strongest amendments and that's what I would be going up against. I would have had to prove that the yahoo.com writer knew the facts of the story and decided to push an alternative narrative nonetheless. At that point, I didn't have it in me to put Leo out in the public eye again, in what would turn out to be another vomit-inducing public opinion bash. I, instead, made an intentional decision to focus only on the positive for the future of my son. It would have been easy to feed into my anger, and even rightly justified. However, I've learned that to flip that initial instinct towards anger to instead focusing on the positive would produce much better outcomes for Leo in the future.
Dee was on several television appearances talking about the incident and how he now has a friend for life in Leo. My favorite line of his from these interviews was, "Y'all grownups gotta do better."
Dee and I began talking over the course of several months. He sent Leo one of his first-ever bobble heads for Leo's collection.
Also, in these small chats, we planned a reunion of Leo and Dee during the next baseball season. Since Dee had recently been traded from the Marlins to the Mariners, Dee didn't play the Reds anymore. So, we traveled up to Cleveland to watch the Mariners and Dee take on the Indians. The first thing Dee and Leo did when they saw each other was priceless. They each had huge smiles on their faces and hugged like they'd been friends for years.
Then, Dee took Leo out to meet his Mariner friends.
As the game went on, Dee gave Leo one of his custom bats, a pair of his batting gloves, another pair of his torn battling gloves after a slide into home, and signed a baseball for him.
Dee had also talked to Jen Mueller of Root Sports about Leo's visit. Jen and her cameraman decided to do a story on the reunion. The art that these two produced on this reunion will forever be close to our hearts. Jen's story-telling captured every twist-and-turn that we went through in several short minutes (We cannot thank you enough, Jen!). She highlighted the true hero of this story - Dee.
When a saga like this has occurred in my life, I like to look back and see what I've learned. First, so I can avoid making the same mistakes again. And second, so I can help others who may find themselves in the same position.
So, what did an unsolicited, viral video of my child teach me?
1. Everyone has cameras out everywhere in every public arena. This could happen to anyone. Our story is not unique.
2. Always keep the safety of your children and your household as your top concern. After you feel like you've got your safety covered, then you can leap into action.
3. Always look for a way to bring out the positives of the incident. Create stories that will overwhelm the negativity with feel-good moments.
4. Teach as many people as you can to not judge a viral video by the 10 seconds it shows. Teach them to explore more - and to use information literacy to guide their judgement and thoughts (even after this incident, I'm still a work-in-progress in this area. But, I'm way more self-aware and can catch myself when I'm heading down that rabbit hole).
5. Never underestimate the human-ness of public figures. Dee is just like any of us - aside from his strengths and gifts in the ability to play sports professionally. Despite his celebrity, wealth, and legacy, he goes above and beyond to bring hope, humility, and care to this world. He's operating from the exact place that I teach my children to pull from on a daily basis: Take a look at the strengths the good Lord gave you and focus on how you can use those strengths to help others. So, thank you, Dee, for being a living, breathing example of this for my children. I tried to get Ellen to get you on her show. I think it's inevitable that she'll have you on with all the good work that you do. :)
6. Finally, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that you're allowed to feel disgust and anger towards the evils of this world. Brought to you by Beyoncé, this is dedicated to all the haters and keyboard warriors who judged Leo and us:
But there was me. Prepared. Prepped. Confidently in control of my life.
Well, it turns out this trait not only extended to me, but to the way I parent my children as well. When I was pregnant with all three of my children, I did everything I was supposed to - and then some. Maybe I thought I'd throw in some extra deprivation for bonus karma points? Who knows. I abstained from medicine (of any kind), deli meat, alcohol, cat litter duty. I indulged in prenatal vitamins and DHA Omega 3 supplements. With my first pregnancy, I fell and sprained my ankle. It hurt like a mother, so my OB called me in a pain killer. But, confidently-in-control me thought it had a .0000001% chance of affecting my baby, so I refused to take it and suffered in pain instead. I wanted to know that I did everything in my power to make sure my baby was healthy, happy, and well-adjusted.
Then, the babies were born. The sweet, sweet miracles. I breastfed each of them - 15 months for one, 12 months for another, and 18 months for the last. I couldn't deny the benefits of breastfeeding and in-control me wouldn't let any obstacle get in my way. Again, I was prepared and calculated with breastfeeding because, for me at the moment, it was the best thing I could do for them to ensure their healthiness, happiness, and well-adjusted-ness. And, I just really loved it.
Next, the babies grew and became toddlers and elementary school-aged children. Again, my preparedness comes into play. I spend some portion of every day educating them about being a true leader - one that seeks out diversity instead of closes the door to it. A leader chooses to do the right thing instead of going with the crew. We have serious discussions about implicit bias, being an ally, and being "woke" in today's society (click here to read my woke post). There is nothing that is off-limits in terms of questions and lessons about empathy. I'm brutally honest with them when it comes to race, gender, religion, ability, and sexual orientation in today's society. I am still growing, and haven't even come close to being the best ally I could be. I try, fail, and try again every day. And I know it will help them to become better people as a result.
As a mom, this planning and preparing and constant song in my mind to always have my child's best interest in mind in order to preserve a wonderful, reduced-pain childhood never left. It's been persistent and one of the aspects about myself that I'm most proud. I would never intentionally do anything to put my children in harm's way. I also fervently act to prevent even unintentional harm - physical and emotional. I do know that pain makes you stronger, so I'm not super helicopter-y. I'd call myself more of a mama bear - doing what it takes to teach and protect my cubs.
But, as life would have, there are things for which you can prepare, but some things you just can't control. Nothing ever prepped me for the parenting moment I was about to experience - my kid going viral.
It was a sunny Sunday in Cincinnati. We awoke - most likely by 7 am because our children have a major case of FOMO. One of our favorite family activities is going to Reds games in the summer (despite the dripping hot and kids whining for junk food and the toddler going crazy. OK, so it's not super fun but we're in it together). Jason had signed the two older kids up for the Cincinnati Reds Head Kid's Club - which is one of their favorite presents to get because it comes with all this Reds swag (that inevitably ends up all over the house). It just so happens that if you sign your kiddos up for this, they get a chance to be picked for a player-autograph event. And guess what? Yep, our kiddos got picked.
I think Jason was probably the most excited out of all of us that day (probably just as excited as I would be if my kids got picked to meet Michelle and Barack Obama). The kids were actually pretty nervous - they do not like attention being drawn to them in any form and they are a bit slow-to-warm up to new people. So, the fact that they had to go onto the Cincinnati Reds baseball field in front of thousands of fans and wait for their player to run out to their position to get their autograph was not top on their "this is going to be a great day!" lists. However, both of them are avid baseball fans (well, all sports, to be honest) and knew just about everything there was to know about the Reds. They knew that getting this autograph was ten times better than getting their favorite player's card in a pack. So, they took the risk.
I did my parent thing that morning. I got them ready. I gave them pep talks. I helped them to breathe deep. Jason, Lucy, and I walked with them throughout the whole experience - right up until we got to the baseline of the field. Then, we were told we would have stay on the sidelines and let the kids run out to the players' positions on their own. As the officials ushered Lidia and Leo out to the field, Jason and I watched with hopeful anticipation. "Only a couple more minutes," I thought, "and this will be all over and they will have this amazing experience to look back upon."
Lidia stood in right field waiting for Adam Duvell. She glanced at us occasionally, with her hands down at her side and her mind probably telling her "Common and get this over with - I don't want to be on the jumbo screen!" Then, she looked up and she was. Yikes - we told her that wouldn't happen. Parent fail #1.
Then, there was Leo. He was shyly at the catcher's mound, waiting for Tucker Barnhardt. He was standing there, staring at the umpire huddle in front of him - hands down to his side, head lowered a bit, just waiting on direction of what to do next.
At this point, Jason and I witnessed one of the umpires moving towards Leo. We watched in curiosity as to what was going to happen. We noticed the umpire talking with Leo - and Leo being his typical self - not saying anything, but nodding. Then, the umpire put his hand on Leo's back and ushered him towards a player from the Marlins - Dee Gordon. Dee was warming up close to home plate, as he was the first at-bat of the game. Jason and I smiled as we watched this from afar. In our heads, we thought the umpire was doing a gracious thing for Leo in letting him get another autograph of a major league baseball player. We thought it was cute and Jason, of course, was pumped for Leo. Leo got Dee's autograph, and then started walking away. But, it appeared as if the umpire had other plans. Next, we saw the umpire redirect Leo back to Dee. He bent down and whispered something in Leo's ear. Then, we saw Dee talking to Leo. After this exchange, we saw a hesitant Leo lift up his leg and kick Dee in his shin. As Jason and I were now watching with concern and confusion, we saw Dee and the umpire laughing as Dee pretended to limp off the field. We immediately thought it was a little banter and playing between the umpire and Dee and Leo was just being used as a prop.
Then, Tucker Barnhardt got out on the field, signed Leo's ball, and Leo ran back to us - relieved, of course. Once Lidia ran back to us with her Adam Duvell autograph, we gathered the kiddos and went to watch the game. As we walked back to our seats, Jason asked Leo why he kicked Dee and Leo said that the umpire told him to. Of course, we prodded him for more information - but, he was 5 at the time. He didn't have much more to say about it. So, we went on to watching the game without much more thought to the ordeal. It was, in our opinion, a successful experience for our kiddos.
It was what happened next that we could not have predicted, nor prepared for. As we hopped in our car to head home, Jason had a call on his phone. It was a Reds' employee wanting to know if she could give his phone number to an MLB writer who wanted to speak to us about our son's viral video. We looked at each other, surprised and shocked. "What viral video?" He asked. She had said that SportsCenter had gotten a clip of Leo kicking Dee and that people were loving it. We started laughing and agreed to do the interview with the MLB writer - who happened to be Michael Clair. Michael called and I spoke with him. He was positive and excited as he asked questions about the what led up to the video. His write-up of the story was factual and didn't include any spin or alternative narrative.
At this point, we had just gotten home and had decided to open up social media and see how our son had gone viral. We checked SportsCenter Facebook page first and saw the post that was captioned, "Dee Gordon got no love from this Cincinnati Reds fan." In what I thought would be cutesie sports comments turned out to be ugly, heart-stabbing, fear-inducing vitriol. Hate was being spewed all over about Leo and us as his parents. After each hate-filled comment, I felt myself being subjected to the deeper evils of this world. I felt my fight-or-flight neurotransmitters activating and I began panicking. I was shaking. I couldn't focus on anything but stopping this madness. If it was in paper form, I would have jumped in my car and rounded up all the newspapers in the area and thrown them away. But it wasn't. It was on the internet and exploding everywhere.
Next, I checked out the Reds FB page. Again, same post and same ugly, hateful vitriol vomiting from the comment section. Do these people have no heart? Do they not understand that he is FIVE and was scared and nervous?! They don't know my boy - the one who is always loving and helpful towards other people and kids. The one who sticks up for friends when he hears someone saying something bad about them? The one who has been taught to live not only the golden rule, but the platinum rule? The one whose mother promotes and pushes diversity and empathy into her parenting style? I finally decided that I would call Michael Clair, the MLB writer who had reached out to us for the initial story. I told him our dilemma. I read to him some of the hateful, threatening words that were being directed towards Leo and us. He said that he would try his best to contact someone to see if some sort of recognizance PR mission could be deployed. However, I never heard back from him.
And the t-shirts. YES T-SHIRTS. Within hours of this going viral, a Cincinnati t-shirt company already had out a design of the incident, which included a false narrative in the advertisement - only adding to the misinformation already being spread. Had it been all cutesie and fun, we would have totally been enamored with this idea. However, it only increased the craziness of the day.
I remember that afternoon and evening after the game. I remember how close-to-the-vest Jason and I were trying to keep the madness so our children didn't feel the effects of the hateful rhetoric. I remember nursing our youngest to sleep as tears fell down my cheeks. I thought of future Leo - How would he feel reading these horrible words about himself when he was old enough to browse the Internet? I remember texting friends who were reaching out and telling them that I wish that this whole experience would have never happened. I remember questioning my parenting and blaming myself. I barely slept that night as I tossed and turned and worried about crazed lunatics coming to our house and doing God-knows-what. I tried to reason with myself: My family is alive and healthy. I should start there and then put things back into perspective. I finally drifted off to sleep, still not sure of how this could be fixed. But, then, as I tell my children - tomorrow is always new day to try again.
I woke up the next day, a Monday, and made sure my work was OK with me taking the day off. I stayed home with my kiddos (it was summertime) and I was on a mission to right this wrong. I decided that I needed to get a hold of Dee Gordon. I had no idea who the umpire was, but I did know the player: I did know that if social media got us into this mess, then maybe I could use it to get us out of it. I spent the greater part of the morning and Lucy's naptime writing a FB post to Dee. I pleaded with him to reach out and let people know the true story of what happened - that my son didn't intentionally come up and kick him. As an aside: Leo loves ALL baseball, football, and basketball teams. He may have his favorite teams, but I have never heard him say he hates a player. He loves collecting sports cards and asking Jason everything and anything about the players that he gets in his card packs. He looks at Jason in awe as Jason spouts out the stats and history of every single one of these players. Leo tries to absorb everything he can about what Jason tells him. Never once has Jason told him to hate a player. Leo has the utmost respect for all players (except he has occasionally said that a certain Warriors player is bad because he kicks people in the penis. Hey - he's not wrong.).
As I was writing the post to Dee, I received a messenger ding from someone who I wasn't friends with. I began to read it and it happened to be someone from the TV show Inside Edition letting me know that they were running a story on the video and wanting us to come on the show to talk about it. I immediately thanked her for reaching out, but declined to come on because I was so disheartened by the social media world: I didn't want to give them any more fodder by which to threaten or judge us. I went back to writing the post, hit the "share" button, and waited for my next move.
In the meantime, I kept getting calls and texts from all kinds of people saying that they saw the video on their local news, on ESPN's SportsCenter, and all over social media. These people who were reaching out were people who knew us. They knew us to be loving, empathetic, and caring parents. They knew Leo to be that sweet, cute, athletic, and shy boy with a smile and eyes that could melt someone's heart in a second. These people seemed dumbfounded and shocked to hear about all the negative comments and threats being sent our way.
An hour and a half after my post to Dee, I was perusing social media and noticed that Dee had made a post about him and Leo. "OMG," I thought. "He got my post!" I rose from cuddling with Leo on the couch and called Jason. I shared it on my social media. And then other people shared. And more people shared. A major league baseball player - someone we had zero contact with in our lives, nor had any obligation to help fix this for us - fixed this for us. I had this sensational relief come over me and tears welling up in my eyes as I read his caption. The worry of the past 24 hours began it's slow decent back to the shadows in which it came. I felt as though my mama bear instincts had failed me the day before. Now, I felt them being resurrected and honored.
I then got a message from someone Dee worked with, telling me she was writing on behalf of Dee. She sent me this interview that he did shortly after he made his social media posts about what really happened with Leo:
.@FlashGJr harbors no ill will toward new friend Leo, the youngster who was just listening to theump when he kicked the @Marlins 2B! pic.twitter.com/5q1ZKlBviv— FOX Sports Florida (@FOXSportsFL) July 24, 2017
The next couple weeks were full of ups and downs. I went back to work the next day, but still had this creeping need to protect my family. I instructed the babysitter to keep the kids in the house for the week with the doors locked. Even though I declined an interview with Inside Edition, they ran the story and used my FB post to Dee as our official statement. In all honesty, they didn't do a terrible job with the facts of the story - however, they did come across super-cheesy and dramatic (yikes face).
I came across a yahoo.com article that was despicable - filled with a rotten narrative to use Leo's video as a way to induce hate and division. Was that article the article that enticed a random person to reach out to me over FB messenger to send a hateful message? The article was so despicable that I reached out to a friend who is a lawyer. She gave me several names of Cincinnati lawyers who may take my case on, but she cautioned me that the first amendment is one of our strongest amendments and that's what I would be going up against. I would have had to prove that the yahoo.com writer knew the facts of the story and decided to push an alternative narrative nonetheless. At that point, I didn't have it in me to put Leo out in the public eye again, in what would turn out to be another vomit-inducing public opinion bash. I, instead, made an intentional decision to focus only on the positive for the future of my son. It would have been easy to feed into my anger, and even rightly justified. However, I've learned that to flip that initial instinct towards anger to instead focusing on the positive would produce much better outcomes for Leo in the future.
Dee was on several television appearances talking about the incident and how he now has a friend for life in Leo. My favorite line of his from these interviews was, "Y'all grownups gotta do better."
Dee and I began talking over the course of several months. He sent Leo one of his first-ever bobble heads for Leo's collection.
Also, in these small chats, we planned a reunion of Leo and Dee during the next baseball season. Since Dee had recently been traded from the Marlins to the Mariners, Dee didn't play the Reds anymore. So, we traveled up to Cleveland to watch the Mariners and Dee take on the Indians. The first thing Dee and Leo did when they saw each other was priceless. They each had huge smiles on their faces and hugged like they'd been friends for years.
Then, Dee took Leo out to meet his Mariner friends.
As the game went on, Dee gave Leo one of his custom bats, a pair of his batting gloves, another pair of his torn battling gloves after a slide into home, and signed a baseball for him.
Dee had also talked to Jen Mueller of Root Sports about Leo's visit. Jen and her cameraman decided to do a story on the reunion. The art that these two produced on this reunion will forever be close to our hearts. Jen's story-telling captured every twist-and-turn that we went through in several short minutes (We cannot thank you enough, Jen!). She highlighted the true hero of this story - Dee.
When a saga like this has occurred in my life, I like to look back and see what I've learned. First, so I can avoid making the same mistakes again. And second, so I can help others who may find themselves in the same position.
So, what did an unsolicited, viral video of my child teach me?
1. Everyone has cameras out everywhere in every public arena. This could happen to anyone. Our story is not unique.
2. Always keep the safety of your children and your household as your top concern. After you feel like you've got your safety covered, then you can leap into action.
3. Always look for a way to bring out the positives of the incident. Create stories that will overwhelm the negativity with feel-good moments.
4. Teach as many people as you can to not judge a viral video by the 10 seconds it shows. Teach them to explore more - and to use information literacy to guide their judgement and thoughts (even after this incident, I'm still a work-in-progress in this area. But, I'm way more self-aware and can catch myself when I'm heading down that rabbit hole).
5. Never underestimate the human-ness of public figures. Dee is just like any of us - aside from his strengths and gifts in the ability to play sports professionally. Despite his celebrity, wealth, and legacy, he goes above and beyond to bring hope, humility, and care to this world. He's operating from the exact place that I teach my children to pull from on a daily basis: Take a look at the strengths the good Lord gave you and focus on how you can use those strengths to help others. So, thank you, Dee, for being a living, breathing example of this for my children. I tried to get Ellen to get you on her show. I think it's inevitable that she'll have you on with all the good work that you do. :)
6. Finally, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that you're allowed to feel disgust and anger towards the evils of this world. Brought to you by Beyoncé, this is dedicated to all the haters and keyboard warriors who judged Leo and us:
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"Middle fingers up, put them hands high
Wave it in his face, tell him, boy, bye
Tell him, boy, bye, boy, bye
Middle fingers up, I ain't thinking 'bout you"
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7. Oh, and one last lesson: Don't mess with mama bear. ;)
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Want to see all of the amazing things Dee Gordon does for the world? His actions will speak for him.
"I just want to help people" - Dee Gordon, 3X @MLB stolen base leader.— Infield Chatter (@InfieldChatter) May 30, 2019
Now @Mariners 2B @FlashGJr has come up with a way to use his speed 🏃to make the world a better place. #TrueToTheBlue pic.twitter.com/eOqpJvfPkh
The Mariners' Dee Gordon took out a full-page ad in Thursday's Seattle Times to publish an open letter to his idol and retiring teammate Ichiro Suzuki. https://t.co/GwMLJXtLPX— HuffPost (@HuffPost) March 28, 2019
Proud of you, Amy! I know your gold heart and am lucky enough to have met your hubby and all three of your amazing kiddos. You handled this crappy situation with grace, intellect, compassion and intelligence. I love what you did with a crazy viral video: You advocated for your son, for empathy, for humanity. So sorry for all the days and weeks of worry you endured. I feel your pain!
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