An Ode to Death

When I die, I don't want there to be too much sadness.

Be happy for me. 

Don't have a funeral. Have a spiritual service. Have this service act as a connection with your spirit to my spirit. I don't need calling hours and my family members don't need visiting hours. Instead, throw a huge ass party. I want to look down and see you laughing and reliving all of the moments in your life where I was able to bring joy and peace to you. 

Cremate me. Bury my ashes in a place you can visit and dream and be inspired. Don't waste money and land with a casket and a burial plot. Remember - I'm dead. My body does not define my spirit. My spirit had a body and now that body is soil and food for the earth.  

OK, you can cry a little. Some days will be hard. Especially for those whom I loved without abandon. Those of you who know this love, know what I'm talking about. If you're having a bad day, check out my Pinterest boards. Especially my most recent one - Reality. And then check out my board - foooooood - and cook yourself up a nice dinner and desert. Let your tears hit the pan and sizzle. The steam created from your tears will rise up to me and I'll be able to feel you once again. 

I will live on in my children, mostly. In fact, I think I really gave them all of myself. I think you can find any piece of me that you're missing in them. Stay in touch with them. Reach out, even if they don't really know you. And even if they seem far away. Please, reach out. They will want to hear stories of their mom. Even the bad stories. They've always taken me for what I am - bad and good. I'm their perfectly imperfect mama. They need to know my failures so they can see that I rose above them. They need to see that it's OK to make mistakes, as long as you use the moment as an opportunity to reflect and re-position (kids - this also may mean an ideal/value/personality change). 

And my husband. He's a routine guy, you all know that. He can't ruminate on these things for long. Don't be surprised if you don't see much sadness in him. He has a such a sweet soul. I do believe I'm one of the only ones - if not the only one - who has seen him shed tears at things that hit his soul. He is a strong, faithful man. Let him carry on with his life. Because if he can't, it will kill him, too. And my kids need him. As far as another partner for him - that may come quick or it may be delayed. Let it happen either way. Trust his mother and his sisters with his partner choice. They know what's best for him. I guess, above all, trust him. He didn't do too bad with his first pick. ;) I know he will pick someone who will partner with him to raise our children the way that we, together, planned to raise them. And if he doesn't, well, please direct him back to this post and back to all of my previous posts.

I'd like to be able to say that I didn't shed a tear while writing this. Sometimes, in life, it's good to be comfortable with death. When you open that door, it's easy to see what matters most to you. It's these living, breathing souls and personalities. It's the hope for a greater good. The hope that love always wins. 

Love always wins.